A Good Day

Went hiking up at Lake Nockamixon... Had a good day with Andy. We came home, got pizza at Pizza Hut and then we took a long nap. He is still napping.
I want to do so much with my life and yet I have no idea how to get there. Is it possible that I am just lazy and have no motivation? Or is it that I don't feel I deserve anything nice? Is it that I don't think I have what it takes to be successful and reach my goals?
I have actually stopped short of reaching goals in the past on purpose. Why the hell would I do that??
I want to do so much with my life. I really want to be a writer. But I do not know what to wrote about and I don't know what I would do when I finished whatever I started.
Hmmm............

It's Been Such A Long Time!

It has. But I am busy. I am not motivated to do anything and I find it highly irksome.
I am tired. I have been working so much. Tomorrow is a day off for both Andy and I. We deserve it. :)
The Phillies took Game 2 of the NLCS. The Eagles won today. All is good in the world of Philadelphia Sports.

MUST RUN.. 5 K coming up!

Yoooooooooo

Getting back into the swing of running and taking care of myself.. big camping trip this week up at Knoebel's... Hoping for some trails to run on. Lynn-Ann is not going.. She doesn't want to and so I will not make her.. no sense having a miserable teenager around who would rather be other place doing other things..

Car is back in the shop for a check up... The Service Engine Soon light is back on, but it is running okay.

I'll be riding the Ninja to work tomorrow... he he.. I have a few spots that make me nervous but I do okay..

Work tomorrow night at the Wawa.... 7-12.

M-later M-laddin

5K!!!

Yep!! Ran my first official 5k ever today.. I had a lot of fun and I finished at good time.. like 29m or something.. I will see my official posted time on the website tomorrow..
I am so happy that I did it!! Now I know I am going to get back into running...
Off tomorrow!! Motorcycles!

If it wasn't for bad luck.............

Yep - I'd have none at all!!! Frigging head gasket..()&*(&(*&(*&)!!!! I am just racking up the bills. The whole point to getting the 2nd job was to pay off my bad debt.. not make more bills.. AND.. the frigging car is not even going to be done until Wednesday...
*SIGH* Que Cera Cera

Sleeeeepy

Yawn--- yep. This 2 jobs thing is kicking my arse. I have double duty tomorrow again, too. On top of that, my car is in the shop due to overheating. Probably a head gasket which is gonna be like $1200.00. :( Sucks.
Good thing I have this second job... which is supposed to be for paying past due invoices.
Well - -- - it all goes the way it goes.. and when we try to change it it still goes the way it goes... ya know what I mean?
I really just want a small break!! teeny tiny! And I would like Sarah to get a break too... poor kid.

Pain and Prejudice

Ugh. I am so fucking tired. I have had a good weekend so far but I did something to my back and now it is killing me. Right in the damn middle. My daughter is down this weekend. It was nice to have her. She turned 15 on Tuesday. She got a job at the Wegman's.
Work at Wawa is going well.
I signed up for my first 5k. It benefits Livengrin which makes me happy as an addict/alcoholic in recovery.
I have pizza in the oven for brunch. at 12 noon I am going to the Metro PCS store to get a new phone. Andy got a new phone and he also canceled our Verizon plan so I really have not much choice in the matter.
Here's to following your dreams so that life is what you want!

Prayer

I pray that God watches over my children and protects them from evil. I pray that Sarah's car will run and that she will be smarter in her choices and not be so lackadaisical.
I pray that David follows a righteous path from here on and really does his best to be a good man and a great father.

Tirrrrred

Ugh. Freaking Tired. Freaking Bull. Gotta freaking do it all over again tomorrow. Oh well this crap ain't changing unless I change it. Got stuff in the works. Hoping it works out. I still pray to God that it does and that he will please watch over my little ones.
Give me the strength to forgive those who have wronged me for they know no better.
Give me the strength to take care of me; for I am the only one who truly can.
Give me the sanity to get through a taxing day and to realize that I am only human and cannot fix everything.
Even though I really want to.
Give me the peace of mind that roadkill is the circle of life and not an unfortunate creature.
Only God Knows Why

Why I Don't Have Female Friends

Ya know - - I gotta say. When I was a little girl, I had quite a few friends. We played together, rode bicycles together, picked on the boys together. When I was a teenager I had quite a few friends. We had sleepovers, we went to the mall, yacked on the phone and liked boys together.
I did have an excellent friend. We met at a deli we worked together at. She was younger than me and life happened and we drifted apart.
Now, I am 37 years old and I have to say - I cannot find one woman that isn't self-serving, manipulative or dishonest.
What has prompted this rant is that a bunch of us were supposed to be going to Centralia tomorrow. The guys are going dirt trailing and I was going because it is supposed to be really awesome for sights and photography! :) Dawn (Joe's GF) was supposed to go because the guys said as women we should not go alone and I told her how much it would mean to me if she went. So - about a 1/2 hour ago Andy calls me and tells me Dawn has some "thing" to go to tomorrow and has to go school supply shopping and that she is not going. ??? Thanks for letting me know.
So now I am not going to Centralia. A trip that I have had my heart set on for about 2 months.
Oh, I'll ask her about why she didn't tell me that she wasn't going. She'll get defensive and turn it all around. *sigh*. W.E.

What will become of me?

Hmmm... I have been thinking a lot about how things change so much. Four years ago I was living in someone's basement getting sober and really beating myself up. I had just landed a job as a p/t parts delivery girl for Pep Boys WD. I was feeling pretty low.
Today I still have my moments.. Now I am an admin asst at an accounting firm and I also have a second job - part time at the Wawa around the corner. I am kind of upset because I sort of associate working weekends and other less pleasurable hours with being a teenager or a failed adult.
However, I do know that these are just stepping stones on a path to something far greater.
Bless me Father, for I am quite certain I sin everyday. Help me to follow a righteous path.

What a Weekend

UGH... Friday night we rode down to Tony Luke's - on the way back my tire got stuck in a trolley track and i went down on the bike.
Saturday was good. I landed a second job at the Wawa that my landlord owns - I start Tuesday night at 7 pm. 7 - 12 on Tuesday & Thursday I'll be working. And then 12m - 6 am on Saturday morning.
I went to the Phillies game today with my friend Dawn. The Phillies won... Yay!!
Now I am pretty tired and sore from the wreck on Friday night.



G'night.

Freakin' Philly

UGH!!!!! We rode down to Tony Luke's last night which was kind of gut wrenching. I hate riding in Philly. Most people are cutthroat drivers and they just don't pay attention. SO we took I-95 down and I white knuckled it the whole way.
We ate, the food was awesome of course. We stopped at Penns Landing on the way back. We walked around for a bit - looked at the boats.
Then, we decided against I-95. We took Richmond Street instead. Well, right past the old Diamond Furniture Warehouse, my front tire went in a trolley track and I went down. I WAS SO MAD!!!!!!! The bike is fine, cracked turn signal lens and my rear brake pedal is smashed in a little.. but other than that the bike is fine. I have road rash on my right shoulder and arm, bruise on my right hip, calf and ankle.
So we get that squared away, I say I am okay to ride... we go down Aramingo Avenue to the Dunkin Donuts at Tioga, it is closed. Great. We are coming out of the parking lot and this frigging guy on a bicycle comes out of nowhere. Right in front of me. I grabbed my front brake (I was barely moving) and the bike was on such an angle, that yes, the bike went down again. The frigging guy just looked at me and kept going. And that was when I realized that I left Philly because I couldn't take it anymore so I should really just stay the hell out.
We rode down to the D&D at the Hess station and we sat there and got coffee.
Joe & Dawn were really cool about everything cause they stayed with us. I thought that was really nice.
Today I am going up to the Wawa to see Greg to see about getting some hours for part time work. Yay me!

What the frig is with women anyway?

Yep.. I said it. I don't get women. And yes. I am a woman. I don't get the manipulating. I don't get the bitching about stupid shit (I don't even get it when I do it, and yes, I bitch about stupid shit). I don't get the power struggle, the need to be the alpha bitch whenever in the presence of other women.
I don't get why a woman would be so insanely jealous over her boyfriend's daughter. Take for instance, my friend. We met up tonight. She was so freaking angry. Apparently, she and her BF had made plans tonight to eat dinner and hang in. She called her BF and he was eating sushi with his daughter a couple hours before dinner. She didn't even give him a chance to explain. She said something snide and hung up the phone on him.
Like, really?
So she sees her BF's ex-wife in the Wawa while getting coffee and she (my friend) mouths the words "fucking bitch" and his ex-wife sees my friend say this.
Like, how freaking old are you? Again, really?
So I don't know. There is no talking to her when she gets like this. I am quite guilty of similar behaviors not related to children or family.
But yes, I do have my psycho bitch tendencies.. like most people I guess.

Too Many Blogs??

Hmmm.. Interesting questions posed by myself for myself. I do this a lot. I get really into something and then I go into overload there by killing the buzz and leaving what little interest I had in the matter waning and rotting by the roadside. I started out with one blog on Spark People (which I have been keeping up on very religiously since January). Now I have this one and the newest addition to the family: Xanga.
I had a good day - I had a good night. I had a me day/night (with the exception of work). I ma really tired and waiting for Andy to come home so we can have a snack together and then go to bed.
I am all stuffy and that is really annoying the crap out of me.
This Friday night is my and Andy's night to pick an "activity to do". We decided on motorcycle rides down to Tony Luc's.
Sounds awesome to me! Must run tomorrow morning and do my strength training.

Monday Monday...........

Well - the weekend was fabulous... Saw my family, had Lynn Ann... it was nice. Today was a typical Monday at work. Nancy is out all week (vacation) so I am the only admin asst in the office. Now, normally I welcome this because when Nancy isn't there I can listen to my music at an audible level. However, my boss was less than happy today and I gotta tell ya it is getting annoying.
I did go to Dr. LaHoda's office to get my back therapies.. that felt good. Wednesday I am getting my mole biopsied... So I cannot go on my running group. But getting my mole biopsied is important! I want it off of my face.
I managed my strength training tonight. :) Yay!!
I have an idea for a book: The Rebirth of the Natural Woman
I just have to get my ideas flowing. I come up with great ideas and thoughts - I just don't execute very well.
I am thinking of doing something where all the plastic surgery is stripped away and we are all left to accept ourselves on a natural level.

Great Weekend

Hey there......... Friday we hung with our friends which was very fun. Saturday Lynn-Ann and I drove down to Cape May to see my family who I had not seen in at least a year! Today was a low-key day; food shopping, laundry... Andy and I went mountain biking on the trails by the creek.
That was fun.
Right now I am going to go relax on the couch and wait for True Blood to come on..
My dad told me I looked great when I saw him Saturday and that made me feel good :) I have been very religious in my exercise - I am frustrated because I haven't lost my little belly pooch yet - but I have faith that if I work a little harder it will go away. I just have to do more cardio.

Thinking is Dangerous

Oh yes it is!!! I have been SO up in my head these past few weeks. I am in serious financial turmoil and I am not sure what I am going to do about it.
I am hoping for a phone call from Greg in the next week or two to cement a part time position at the Wawa around the corner from where i live.
On the topic: I think way too much. My wheels are always spinning. They even spin in my sleep. I have these vivid dreams of being chased by a faceless man on a street in which I grew up near only in the dream there were many more trees. Odd.
I did start back to meetings. I did go to the chiropractor today and he fixed me up good he did!! Yuck yuck!
Really. I feel like 80% better than I have for the last 4 months.
Andy and I are fighting like cats and dogs; maybe even a few fish in there. It is always the same crap. I'm insanely jealous and he is a terrorized, misunderstood victim.
Please.
So I start thinking again. I want to do so much with my life. I want to be more than an administrative assistant. I want to be more than a thin woman with a great ass. I want to be more than an insecure girlfriend.

I want to be a writer.
I want to be a personal trainer.
I want to be a life coach.

Yes. I really do want to be all of those things.

But my dilemma is:::: how do i make these things happen?

Anger Issues

Yep!! True Dat! I am one angry ass mofo. Have been for years now. I quell it at times but when someone or something does not act the way I want it to, I flip out!!!! Sad sad sad..... SO I went to my first AA meeting tonight in months.... It was good for me. I shared, which made me nervous as hell, but I did it!! There were a lot of familiar faces there and some new ones.. Everyone was happy to see me, that felt nice.

I am so jealous and insecure it is disgusting... and the odd thing is is that men are always staring at ME!! Yet - I freak out if Andy even so much as glances in the direction of a mildly attractive woman. Insane, I know. This is yet another obstacle that I need to work on!!
He says I am insane and I imagine these things but I really feel like I do not imagine these things.

He went to an AA meeting tonight, too. Apparently, he will not be attending any AA meetings that I go to for a while. That's fine.

Back To Work!!!!

UGH!!!!!!!!!! Well - not really. I am back to work today and feel fortunate to have a job. This is true. Also, I went to see Greg this morning at Wawa to see about the PT job there for the overnight on weekends. Seems as though I got it! He said he doesn't even have to interview me... Sweet!!!
Vacation was nice, a little dull, but nice.
I did change my address officially on the USPS website. Had I known it was that easy I'd had done it 2 years ago. Now my mom should probably stop getting my mail! Yay!!
I was driving home from work and was on Bellevue Avenue (by the train tracks) and this chic was walking across the street in a skirt and high heels and she had these amazing legs.. I was so jealous!!! I quickly puhsed the thought out of my head, but I figured here would be a great place to release that thought since this is my "anything goes" blog.
I feel so frumpy lately... like, I am NOT SEXY EVEN A LITTLE BIT. My work clothes are frumpy... I dress super conservative cause Andy hates if I dress any other way. It really fucking annoys me! Anyhoo.... :) Tomorrow is a new day!

Great Day So Far

Well - Andy and I went out on the motorcycles this morning and we had a nice time. We went up to Van Zandt Airport and then all through Bucks County. We stopped at a park which the name escapes me, but it was nice and had cabins, which was cool. Brought back memories of Parker Dam.
We then went to this tile place on 611 which I always wanted to investigate further. They had tours but the next one was like in 30 minutes and he and I were getting hungry.

The tile place is very interesting from the outside. It kind of looks Turkish in some ways. We did go inside of the building, but like I said they had scheduled tours and we were getting hungry. Maybe some other time. Also, there were picnic tables and such for grilling and hanging out. Kind of like a park around the tile place. When you walk around the building there are about 15 or so smoke stacks.. I guess they have different ovens that make different types of tile. Inside, they had some books and such, however, a little pricey!

Right now Andy is starting dinner and I must go to the store to fetch some pineapple salsa.

Booooored

UGH. OMG I am so fucking bored. I would rather stab myself in the eye with a frigging ice pick than sit here and do NOTHING but watch TV, freeze my ass off and watch Andy take multiple naps.
This FUCKING SUCKS. It is my own fault seeing as how I fucked up and my bank account got levied... I know that it is 100% my fault but I also believe in manifestation. Andy kept asking me if someone was going to hit the savings account he and I were sharing, which, that did not happen. But you know what did.
So I am now looking for a second job. Nothing major, a couple nights a week. If I play my cards right I may be able to have 3 jobs... he he. This really does suck.
I worked 2 jobs for most of my working life and I now have a well paying job to not have to work 2 jobs, but here I am again. Not sure how I will be able to swing this seeing as how I am much older these days.
I wish I could manifest hitting the lottery tonight.

Still Tuesday

Well - Let's see. Andy was super worried something was going to attach itself to our vacation savings. That did not happen, however, someone did levy my bank account for a debt from 2001 (????). Anyway - Andy is sad, our vacation is ruined and I am picking fights. :(
This really sucks.
He seems to be worried. Well, I am looking for a 2nd job and I think I am going to handle it myself.
What else can I do?
I also have to call my mom and tell her to write on all the mail that comes there for me "Return to Sender - not at this address".
In fact, I think I'll email her now.